My life as a Registrar of Marriages in Maastricht

“A warm welcome today, in this special place, where we have all come together for the celebration of your civil marriage”. Once again I pronounce this sentence or a similar one, for the 300th time at least, in one of the sites designated by the City Council of Maastricht for the celebration of an official civil marriage.

As a Registrar of Marriages I have the privilege of celebrating civil marriages all over the city. This function gives me the feeling of being more than just a civil servant; I am a hostess for this lovely city, my city!

Married in Maastricht

It is an activity I have been practising for more than eight years now. During this period, I have experienced very different situations. Do not try to convince me that I’ll ever find a similar situation when people get married. I have met well educated people and people coming from more modest environments, black as well as white or yellow skins, people coming from the province of Limburg or from any other part of the world, people of different religions, men getting married to women as well as men getting married to men and women getting married to women, young as well as older people (up till the age of 83!), simple or stylish marriages, with a multitude of guests or just a few, discrete or exuberant, emotional or academic, happy or (even!) sad… You name it, I’ve seen it all…

Maastricht, with its charms of an old historical city founded by the Romans, is a wonderful and characteristic place to get married in. At least that’s my opinion, and looking at the more than 610 couples who got married in Maastricht in 2009, many people seem to share it.

It is not necessary to be a city resident in order to get married in Maastricht, and I can confirm that people from all over the world come to the capital of Limburg to concretise this important moment in their life.

A wedding ceremony at the Vrijthof Theatre, photo by Sueli Brodin

Maastricht offers 10 possible official marriage locations: the intimate Prince’s Chamber (very remarkable, with its Gobelin-dressed walls and high chimney) or in the (bigger) Council Chamber, both at the old Maastricht City Hall; a room specially designated for the celebration of (costless) Monday-morning marriages at the new Mosae Forum premises, at the Vrijthof Theatre, the Vrijthof Museum, the Kannunnikenhuis in the St. Servaasklooster, the Cellebroederskapel in the Brusselsestraat, and at three nearby castles: Chateau Neercanne, Kasteel Hoogenweerth and Kasteel Vaeshartelt.

It is a pleasure for my 16 colleagues and myself to fulfil the wishes of each young (and less young) couple as faithfully as possible, mainly by having a personal talk with the bride and groom beforehand and giving them the opportunity to choose amongst several languages for this important day: Dutch, Limburg dialect (very important!), English, German, French and even Spanish.

Having lived in France for 14 years, the French language is my specialty, and I even thank my appointment to the job of Registrar of Marriages to the fact that I speak Molière’s language fluently. I don’t mind however celebrating ceremonies in any of the other languages either, as long as I feel capable of speaking it.

Besides, the city of Maastricht, proud as it is of its international character (it even has an “international service desk for expats” at its civil affairs office), values the fact that its Registrars of Marriages speak various languages.

A wedding ceremony at the Vrijthof Theatre, photo by Sueli Brodin

Gratifying

Before celebrating his or her first civil marriage, each Registrar of Marriages is sworn in by an official Dutch Judge. Although no special training is needed to do this work, an important requirement is that a Registrar of Marriages should have a considerable experience of life in all its aspects. I certainly never would have been able to do this job when I was 25 years old.

A marriage ceremony lasts about half an hour, or 45 minutes if it takes place on a Saturday.

Each Registrar of Marriages has his or her own working style, the main point being that the official part – the saying of the “ja-woord” in Dutch (the “yes-word”) – must be the same for each marriage ceremony. Only after the bride and groom have given this official consent to each other, in the presence of at least two official witnesses, can a marriage be declared official. Fortunately, I have never been in a situation in which bride and groom changed their mind at the last moment, deciding before my eyes not to get married after all!

In my opinion, there is no job more interesting (and also more gratifying!) than the job of a Registrar of Marriages.

Photo by Astrid Vincendon

If you think you only meet happy people on a wedding day, you are far beyond the truth. Just think of situations such as the absence (for example due to distance, death or a quarrel) of one of the parents, a child or a good friend on this day.

And what about the memory of a former marriage which didn’t turn out well? What if the children of this former marriage are present at this new start, what is passing through their minds? Or what about a situation when the bride or groom is seriously (or even incurably) ill?

Nevertheless and in spite of all these delicate aspects, people continue to decide to share their lives and to live through happiness and sorrow together. I can only conclude that we, human beings, are not made to live alone. Our sense of happiness and safety considerably increases from the moment we can share (if possible in an official way) our life with another person, a person with whom we can exchange things like love, laughter and understanding.

United forever, by Alan via Flickr

I could go on writing for hours about the various situations I’ve experienced. And although each ceremony is special, some hold a very warm place in my heart. Like the time I married a young couple whose groom was incurably ill. His life expectancy was about half a year at the most. It was an incredible experience to see how joyful this ceremony turned out to be. Since the groom had worked in the army in distant countries in the Caribbean, his former colleagues played cheerful exotic music all throughout the ceremony. As for the bride, she had worked at a farm where handicapped children could come and take care of the animals, and many of these children were present, dressed up as colourful and happy animals.

I had done my best that day to prepare a joyful speech, by insisting on all the positive aspects around these two people, and this effort, combined with the sight of all the sincerely happy faces, the laughter and music, the exchanges of loving glances between the couple and their families and guests (over 100), contributed to making this day an unforgettable moment for these two young people in love. Even in sadness, life can be beautiful…

A wedding ceremony at the Vrijthof Theatre, photo by Sueli Brodin

Especially nowadays, at a time when religious marriages have become less current than they used to be, I experience that couples give more and more importance to their Registrar of Marriages; the civil marriage ceremony has to be the highlight of their wedding day.

No problem, it is my most sincere pleasure to fulfil this wish…!

How can I do otherwise? It is impossible for me to forget the expression in Dutch that a couple used in their marriage announcement: “Waar liefde tintelt, bruist het bestaan”, and which I allow myself to translate freely: “Where love tingles, life sparkles….”.

Lang leve de liefde…!

By Charlotte Veugen

Charlotte Veugen is a Registrar of Marriages in Maastricht

A wedding ceremony in Maastricht